|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 7:15:31 GMT -5
Robert looked down at Nick and cocked his head to the side. Something bad must have happened to him. He laid his head against Nick's shoulder and kissed his neck. He didn't want Nick to hurt like this, he wanted to find some way to make him feel better.
"If it hurts like that....you don't have to tell me. Please don't hurt like this, Nick," he whispered into Nick's ear ", please...."
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 7:28:12 GMT -5
Nick stood there, he loosened his grip around Roberts hand and stared at the wall behind the Blond. "I..." Nick let out a deep breath, then closed his eyes. "I killed a man a couple years back. While I was hitchhiking to get here, to London. And the odd thing was....I didn't even care." Nick let out a sigh then opened his eyes. "Theres things like that about me you don't know, things I never let anyone know. I'm mainly well kept to myself until I saw you." Nick completely let go of Robert hand.
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 7:47:03 GMT -5
Robert felt his hand get cold again. His brain was still trying to register this information. He shook his head trying to clear it and looked into Nick's eyes. He din't know what to say to that. It's not every day that the person you have fallen in love with tells you that they once killed someone. It wasn't that he was scared of Nick now....he just didn't know what to say to that. He finally took the cop out approach.
"Do you want to talk about it?"
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 8:02:54 GMT -5
Nick tried to smile but failed. He couldnt bring himself up to do so. He looked down at Robert, his eyes seemed...lifeless, as of what to do next. Nick felt he hurt him in some way, made him think differently about the man that he just met only a day ago but knew about him months ago and actually liked, something that rarely happened to Nick. That happened mainly because he was very distant from people, frightened of them mostly. "I just want to know how you feel about that, me being a murderer and all. You see, the thing is I want to talk to someone about it, Ive wanted to for so long and with someone who could try to understand me and where I come from." Nick walked over to the table and sat down, placing his elbows on the table and his face in his palms. He started to feel torn inside, beginning to get teary eyed.
"Im a bad person Robert. I have no idea why I liked you and went after someone as innocent as you. I dont want to drag a good hearted person like you into all this shit." Nick shook his head then began to cry. He never wanted anyone to see him like this, looking all weak and in need, he always hated that after watching his Mother.
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 9:06:07 GMT -5
He'd hurt him. The look in Robert's eyes had hurt Nick. He felt a ball in his throat. He watched as Nick walked over to the table and essentially collapsed on himself. Robert waked over to the crying man and laid a hand on his arm. When Nick didn't respond Robert got worried and started to panic.
'What have I done,' he kept thinking. He grabbed Nick's hands and pulled them away from his face. "Nick.....look at me Nick.....," he gave up trying to get him to look up and pulled him into his arms. He held him close and and kissed the top of his head. "Please Nick...please don't cry......I'm not leaving.......I'm right here with you. I won't leave you," he kissed him over and over.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 9:17:33 GMT -5
Nick finally responded, looking up to the man before him. Holding him, kissing him...
"But, everyones...everyones left me. How can I guarantee you don't either. Father abandoned me and mom for the Military, and then mom killed...." Nick hesitated for a long moment. He latched onto Robert, holding him tighter then he ever did. Nick rested his head on Roberts chest, crying. He hasn't done this in years, he always kept his emotions hidden and out of the way so he could focus. But just then it built up inside him and he couldn't control it any longer. Nick went limp, sliding down Robert until he hit the floor. He sat there, Legs pressed up against his chest and his arms around them. He looked up at Robert. "I'm sorry...."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 9:47:52 GMT -5
Robert dropped to his knees without a thought. He wrapped his arms around Nick, holding him like he desperately needed to be held. He ran his fingers through the soft hair and kissed it.
'He needs to let this out.'
Robert settled himself against a cupboard and pulled Nick into his arms and lap. He had never had a breakdown this bad but he did know what it felt like to want to be held. All he could do was be here for this man. He was in love with this man.
Robert felt a tear roll down his own cheek. He had done this...he had caused this sudden breakdown. He was always doing these things to hurt others. Never intentional, but always happening. He gripped Nick tighter to him.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 10:04:34 GMT -5
Nick forced himself to bottle back up his emotions. He felt Robert being hurt by all this as well. Nick stood up on his own, standing on both his two feet. His head fell down looking at Roberts hands. He started to think it was odd yet funny that this man suddenly became so attached. Nick took his hand and placed them upon Roberts. Nick sniffed a couple times. "I didn't mean for that...." Nick took in a deep breath, then exhaled as he started to wipe his face clean of all those tears with his other hand. "I didn't mean for that little episode to happen in front of you. I usually keep that sort of thing to myself, alone." Nick removed Roberts hands from his body and took a few steps forward towards the bathroom. "If you don't mind, I should take a shower. I smell like shit, but it would make me feel a whole of a lot better."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 10:30:09 GMT -5
Robert looked up past his tear filled eyes at Nick as he stood. He watched him walk away. He knew Nick hadn't let it all out....something about it said he hadn't let it out...he didn't know how but he knew he was holding it in. When Nick had left the room and Robert could hear him get into the shower he looked down. His hands hadn't shaken like this in years. He looked at his watch. 12:30...still so long before having to b to class. He had nothing to do....no where to go....the only person he had really talked to wasn't with him now. He stared at his hands. This had happened before. When he was alone with his own mind. It's why he tried to kep it occupied with art of books. He just always felt something was wrong and now the feeling was back.
'How did a day go from being the best day ever to this...this travesty,' he thought to himself, alone on the kitchen floor.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 11:02:03 GMT -5
Nick stood there, his back facing the faucet. He let the water just hit his back. He turned around and finally turned the shower off. He shook his head, Just like a dog does just after being washed from his owner, constantly back and forth. He pulled the curtain back and stepped out onto his yellow duck shaped mat. Nicolas always hated that thing, he had no idea why he bought it in the first place. Its little happy face always stared at him, like it was laughing at him, but thats why he always liked to step on its face. Payback.
Nicolas grabbed the white towel he had placed earlier on to the toilet seat cover and wrapped it around his waist. He run his fingers through his hair once and looked into the mirror. He didn't know why Robert liked how he looked. He shook his head then opened the bathroom door. He walked out and into the kitchen and saw Robert on the floor. "What are you doing down there?" He asked as he turned around and opened the refrigerator door.
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 11:21:32 GMT -5
Robert looked up slowly to Nick.
"Thinking....I....I think I should go....," he hesitated ", I think.........I think I've done enough damage for one day." Robert stood up and walked to where his shirt lay folded. His back still hurt but he wasn't about to ask for the forgotten massage.
He really did care for this man but he felt he had ruined the moment. Nick didn't want him here...he could hear it in his voice and the way he had asked him the question. Robert pulled his shirt back on and started to button it.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 11:26:37 GMT -5
Nick turned around and looked Roberts way as he pulled out the milk carton. Nick looked confused. "What are you doing?" He asked as he watched him starting to button back up his shirt. "Your not planning on leaving are you? If you let me have my little daily cup of milk, Ill get right to that massage I promised." Nick smiled then as he pulled a glass of the cupboard. "And besides, its not even class time, or is it? Time feels like it flys by me when Im in the shower, you know."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 11:36:10 GMT -5
"No it's not class time yet...do you really feel like giving me a massage after all that just happened," Robert asked dropping his hands. His mind was stressed and he just wanted to sleep, but he had a class. He flopped over onto Nick's couch and laid his head back closing his eyes.
"I'm so tired..everything hurts and I'm tired. I haven't felt this way in years," he finally sighed.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 12:02:30 GMT -5
"Everythings fine now, I got out what I needed to, what I hadnt in years. And honestly, You dont need to worry about me." Nick finished pooring his cup, then finally took a sip of it. He took in a deep breath. "I can still give you that massage if you up for it, but you do look tired. You could sleep there for a while, then I could wake you before class starts." Nick streached out his arms and then cracked his fingers. "And if you feel what happened was because of you, its not. Its just.....The past bothers me a lot, just what happened shouldnt have."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 12:15:35 GMT -5
Robert nodded. He wanted to say he needed to be held but he couldn't. He never could say it. He looked into Nick's eyes.
"I think I need some more sleep," he said and flopped back over onto the couch.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 12:25:38 GMT -5
"Alright. Does Two Thirty sound about alright for...." Nick started to ask as he walked over to the couch to look at Robert better, but found the look on his face quite sad. "Are...are you alright?" He asked walking over and sitting down next to where he layed. "....What I-I did made you uncomfertable didnt it. Very uncomfertable.....Fuck." Nick started mumbling to himself untill he took his thumb and put it up to his mouth. "Robert. Please forgive me."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 12:32:32 GMT -5
Robert sat up and let his shoulder touch Nick's.
"It just brought up some of my own bad memories is all. Don't apologize, you needed to let it go...." and I know you're still hiding it " and I'll be fine," he yawned suddenly ", guess I really am tired. 2:30 sounds great," Robert stared forward for a moment, not focusing and trying to figure how tired he actually was.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 12:48:43 GMT -5
"Alright then." Nick smiled again, then got up to his feet. "Could you just tell me how you feel about..well..me. And then Ill be on my way"
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 12:59:24 GMT -5
Robert wanted to reach out for Nick and ask him not to go.
But he didn't.
"I..it hurts you. That means you aren't a bad person. You feel and that means you're good. I don't think any less of you," Robert sighed and smiled up at Nick ", I still care."
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 13:08:38 GMT -5
Nicolas smiled. Everything Robert had said in that moment ment so much to him. Those words hit him so hard he wanted to just lay in Roberts arms an cry. He always thought he was a bad person, but this man proved him wrong, and actually cared doing it. "Thankyou, That really means a lot." Nick started to smile once again heading for his room to get dressed. Nick started to pull out clothes for himself. "Im gonna head out for a while. Just to catch some air and to get a few things, like some pancake mix so when you wake up youll have something to eat thats not beacon."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 13:13:28 GMT -5
"I'll probably be here."
Robert sighed and looked down. He laid down facing the back of the couch and buried his face in the cushions.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 13:29:00 GMT -5
Nick heared what his reply was. Probably. Nick wondered if what had happened just a few minuets ago really struck him hard. He put his regular jeans, white button down and an old tie on. He walked back out and saw Robert there, face turned into a pillow. "....Robert" He walked right up to him. "Would it be too much to ask if I could have a hug from you before I leave?" Nick wanted a hug from him more then from anyone, more then anything in the world. But maybe it wasent such a good idea. Nick knew he pissed Robert off, he could see it in the was he was laying, the way he spoke and the way he was breathing. He could remember his mother looked his way, waiting for father to return home. How she got so stressed, and now he started to see it in the man he though could save him from all his troubles.
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 13:39:23 GMT -5
Robert rolled over to look up at Nick. He smiled and stood up, wrapping his arms around Nick. He lay his head one his shoulder and he was calm and happy far a few moments. Until he felt Nick start to pull away. Robert gripped tighter ", Nick......I didn't want to ask because....well....you had called me fast moving and clingy.....," he trailed off in a nervous state. "I am clingy aren't I," he asked with a soft chuckle.
|
|
|
Post by Nicolas Kapranos on Nov 14, 2005 13:59:50 GMT -5
Nick started to smile. He loved Roberts presence, and how he hugged. "Thats ok. I didnt say there as anything wrong with being fast paced and clingy, did I? Infact, I....like hugs. I havent been hugged in over 11 years untill yesterday." Nick gave in and placed his arms around Robert again. "And when ever you want a hug or anything of that sort, just tell me, please."
|
|
|
Post by Robert Ginovaef on Nov 14, 2005 14:07:59 GMT -5
Robert smiled and breathed. He put his head back onto Nick's shoulder.
"Will you......will you hold me......just until I fall asleep," he asked hesitantly and quietly. He wanted to be in Nick's arms. "I'll hold you anytime you want," he whispered.
|
|